Supporting someone you know online who might be at risk of self-harm or suicide

We all experience not being okay differently. Not everyone who is struggling to cope will post about it online. Some people may present changes in their behaviour, such as:

• Acting differently offline compared to their usual activity – people might stop posting or start posting streams of repetitive content about their distress
• Bullying or verbally attacking other users

However, people may not change their activity, but some signs to look out for are posts containing the following:

• Feelings of distress, loneliness or struggling to cope with feelings or experiences
• Thoughts about hurting themselves or ending their life (i.e. plan)
• Methods of self-harm or suicide
• Posting detailed or graphic content about self-harm or suicide
• Goodbye messages or suicide notes
• Details of online suicide pacts or challenges that they are involved with

Some phrases to watch out for are things like:

• “I want to give up”
• “No-one would notice if I wasn’t here”
• “I hate myself”
• “I want to end it”
• “I feel like a burden”

Offering support to someone in distress can make a big difference but it can also put a lot of pressure on you and you might start to feel overwhelmed or upset.

Try to make sure you take care of yourself. It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for someone else’s safety. If you're finding that the amount of support you’re offering is impacting on your own wellbeing it’s important to take a step back.

If you feel like you can’t respond, you can tell someone you trust or report the post to the platform so that the user can still get support from others.

If you need to talk about how you are feeling, you can call Samaritans on 116 123, or email on [email protected], whenever you need.

If you think a user is struggling or is posting messages about self-harm and suicide, it’s really important to flag it with the platform This might feel difficult, especially if you are worried about breaking their trust or getting them in trouble, but reporting it to them platform means that they can get in touch with the user to offer support. It can also help to protect other users.

What content should be reported

• Posts or comments that describe a method of self-harm or suicide
• Graphic images or videos that show wounds or methods of hurting yourself
• Posts or comments encouraging self-harm or suicide

Most platforms have a function where you can report content. If you’re unsure or have questions about how to report content, see our resource on what to do when you see worrying suicide and self-harm content online or visit the Report Harmful Content Website.

Show you care – often just telling someone you care and that you’re there for them can be really comforting and can make a big difference. If you’re struggling to find the words you could try the below templates.

“I noticed your post earlier about… If you want to talk about it, I’m always here”

“I know you’re going through a difficult time right now but I just wanted you to know that I care about you and am here to listen if it would help to talk”

Other ways to show you care might be sending a supportive image or gif, a song or video that you think they might like or a virtual hug.

Use open questions – Use open questions that need more than a yes/no answer, and follow up with questions like 'how are you feeling today' or 'can you tell me more'.

Ask them directly – If you are worried that someone might be suicidal, it’s ok to ask them ‘are you feeling suicidal’ and ‘have you got plans to harm yourself?’. This can feel scary but it can encourage the person to be honest about how they are feeling and help them to feel less alone.

Ask them what might help – sometimes just asking someone what they think might help can help them to focus on practical solutions

Encourage them to talk to someone they trust –a friend, family member or health professional.

Suggest places they can find additional support – You can suggest that the following sources of help may be useful:

• Support helplines – such as Samaritans or Shout. If the user lives in another country they can contact Befrienders Worldwide, which has a list of emotional support helplines around the world.
• Organisations specialising in self-harm or suicide support – such as Samaritans, Harmless, Mind, The Mix, Young Minds or Papyrus
• A health professional, such as their doctor. For immediate support, they could also ring NHS 111 for health advice in the UK and is free from landlines and mobiles.

For a list of organisations that provide emotional support and help for specific situations (such as mental health issues, addiction, and domestic abuse) see our support page.

If someone has posted something online that makes you think they are at immediate risk and in need of urgent help you should:

• Encourage them to call 999 or visit their nearest A&E department
• Report their post to the platform so they can provide support. They will be able to identify the user’s email address and inform the emergency services. Larger platforms, such as social media sites also normally provide support information about what to do if you see self-harm or suicidal content on their sites. Fore example, resources can be found on Facebook Help Centre, Instagram Help Centre, and Twitter Help Centre.
• Tell someone you trust like a friend or family member
• If you know them, you could tell someone close to them that you’re worried about their safety.

If you call the emergency services for them you might be asked for:

• Your full name and contact details
• The person’s name and location
• Details about their posts

If you contact the emergency services, try to let the person know, unless you are worried that telling them might put them or others in more risk. If you can, keep talking to the person until help has arrived.

This can be really worrying and put a lot of pressure on you. Remember to look after yourself and seek support from people you trust.

If you are worried about a user who is under 18 years old, you should follow the tips above and try to encourage them to contact a trusted adult or family member. If you’re close to the user you could also contact their family or carer.

If a user doesn’t want to speak to someone they know, you could suggest they speak to Childline. Childline provides a confidential phone (0800 1111) and text counselling service for young people up to the age of 19. If a young person’s life is in danger then Childline can help them find immediate support or call emergency services on their behalf.

It can be really hard if someone won’t let you help them or won’t ask for help from others. If this happens, you could try:

• Giving them some time and try again later if you feel able to
• Reminding them that you’re there for them and want to listen and support them
• Suggesting they speak to someone else that they trust
• Sending them some options for support to use if they change their mind
• Reminding them that things can change and they won’t always feel this way