Mark found himself struggling to cope after his marriage ended, but reaching out to Samaritans helped him rebuild his life.
Now, he supports others by sharing his story, including a moment when a simple conversation with a woman in a coffee shop made a life-changing difference.
“I had a very broken childhood, which is where my problems started, although I didn’t realise this at the time. Things came to a head many years later when I separated from my wife. One night it all became too much, and I attempted to take my own life. I felt I had nothing to live for.
“The next thing I remember was waking up in hospital. I knew I was still alive, and the saddest thought I've ever had was, “I failed as a human and now I’ve failed to take my own life.”
“I walked out of the hospital and realised I had my house keys but no wallet. It was raining and I was five miles from home. I saw a taxi driver fuelling up at the petrol station, so I asked him if there was any chance of a lift. He looked me up and down, noticed my wristband from the hospital, and eventually agreed.
“On the journey home he asked what I was in hospital for, and I told him that I'd tried to take my life. He pulled the car over and just burst into tears. It turns out his best friend had taken his life just six weeks ago, but he hadn’t been able to process it.
There we both were, hugging and crying together – it was a wonderful moment.
Mark
When I eventually got home and offered to get some money from the house, he replied, “Your money is no good to me. Just go inside and get yourself better.” He then handed me a business card and said if I ever needed anything, I was to call him. I remember thinking how my faith in humanity had been restored a little bit.
“I said goodbye and closed the front door, sitting on the steps in my hallway. Sadly, at that moment, a letter dropped through the letterbox from my wife’s solicitor, which really distressed me. I went into the living room, closed the curtains and lay on the sofa with a duvet over me. I stayed there for two days and every time I woke up, I just wished I was dead. It’s at that point I called Samaritans.
“I couldn't tell you how many different people I spoke to over the next few days, all I know is that somebody always answered, whatever time I called. Samaritans was there for me – the voice of calm, the voice of reason – and I never once felt judged. I don't think there's any other way to put it than if it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't be here.
“With their help, I reached the point where I thought, “That’s as bad as it gets. I've plummeted as far as I can go. Let's try and rebuild.” So, I got up off the sofa, opened the curtains, and took a shower. I then headed out for a walk and cooked a nice big breakfast when I got home. After this, I sat down with an A4 pad of paper and a pen and mapped out how I was going to rebuild my life.
“I knew I needed to make changes. Normally at the weekends I would drink and occasionally dabble with drugs. But I realised that these only made my anxiety worse, so I stopped. I also changed my diet, went for walks at lunchtime, and got back into the gym. I had a lot of support from friends and family, but I also went to counselling, where I talked through the physical and mental abuse from my childhood, which I hadn’t processed.
“One day I was showing my recovery plan to a friend, and he told me he knew someone who wasn’t in a good place. I offered to have a chat with him, which I did, and found it incredibly rewarding. I could see the hope in that person building as we spoke. I was then asked to chat to someone else and then someone else, and it just kept growing.
“I now work as a mental health first aider and mentor. I don’t use books or scripts; I just tell people my story and without fail always take out my phone and show them that I have Samaritans’ number saved. I encourage people to reach out if they’re struggling.
After everything I’ve been through, I try to look out for others who might be struggling. I’ll take the bus into town and speak to people. Because we need to ask people how they’re doing.
“A couple of weeks ago, I was in a coffee shop and noticed a woman that didn’t seem right – there was just something about her demeanour. I thought it was worth saying hello to check she was ok. I asked how her day was going, and she said it wasn’t great, so I asked if she fancied sitting down for 10 minutes and having a chat. I didn’t say, “let’s talk” I said, “I’ll listen.” In the end, we sat down and chatted away for about an hour and a half. She was having a really tough time of things and didn’t feel like she could talk to her family or friends, or anyone at work, in case she was judged. It cost me nothing, but it made all the difference to her. We exchanged email addresses and have kept in touch.
“I hope I don’t need to call Samaritans again. But the number is saved in my phone if I need to. I think I’ve also saved it as a reminder to myself that I went through this tough time, but I got through it."
