Gary first got involved in suicide prevention while working at Virgin Trains, learning to spot the signs of someone struggling and how to start a conversation.
Since then, he’s approached many people, including a man by the roadside and another in a store, proving that simply checking in and showing you care can save lives.
“I used to work for Virgin Trains, where I became involved in suicide prevention. There was training available to help staff identify people around the station and advice on how to start a conversation with them. I made several approaches, all of which had positive outcomes. Each time, it was simply by starting a conversation – it really is so important. On one occasion, I helped save a lady’s life and was awarded the Samaritans Lifesaver Award.
“When I left the railways in 2019, I didn’t want this work to stop, so in my spare time I give talks to help encourage people to spot signs that someone might be struggling and give them the confidence to approach. I’ve spoken to over 30,000 people now. If it helps to save one life, it’s worth it.
My advice is to trust your instincts. If someone doesn’t look OK, stop and speak to them. You should never just walk by. People won’t be offended by someone looking out for them, and often, people are struggling because they think nobody cares. Just one person checking in can go a long way.
Gary
“Anyone can start a conversation; you don’t need any training for this. Just go for something simple, like “Isn’t this weather awful today?” or “I like your trainers. Where did you get them from?” Have the courage to start the conversation, even if it’s difficult.
“We’ve got to be looking out for people. We’re all human beings. Everyone knows the pressures of life and that many people are struggling.
“In September, I was out shopping with my mum when I noticed a man behind me in the queue. He didn’t look quite right; he just looked sad. My mum had finished packing, so I pointed out the man and told her I was concerned. I decided to approach him.
“I waited for him outside the store and said, “Excuse me, can I just stop you for a minute? I wanted to ask if you’re alright.” He said he was fine, but I continued, “I saw what was in your hand, and you looked upset. Are you actually OK?”
“He replied, “You know what, the reason I’m upset is that my mum is really unwell, and I’m buying medication for her. But I’m glad you asked, I love that someone’s looking out for me.”
“I saw him again a few weeks later. He recognised me and thanked me again for stopping that day.
“I’ve also made several approaches by the roadside. Last year, while heading to the shopping centre, I saw a man by the road who looked upset. I told my partner something wasn’t right, so I turned the car around and pulled in with my hazard lights on. I called the police and said I was concerned about someone.
I approached the man cautiously and said, “Are you OK? I’m a bit worried about you, you look upset.” At first, he was silent, but then we started talking.
"The police arrived, but I asked them to stay back for a few minutes, as I was calming him down. He began to open up.
“He told me his girlfriend had left him, and he was having problems with his daughter. He told me he had been at the same place the week before, but his daughter called and asked where he was, which had forced him to go home. But things had worsened in the past week, and he didn’t think he could cope anymore. He told me that today would be different and he was going to act on how he felt. I said to him, “I’m here today, so that’s not going to happen. I’m here to help you.”
“I moved a little closer, and after a while, we started talking about fishing. He pointed to a lake where he used to fish as a child. I mentioned a friend who helps people with mental health struggles and offered to put him in touch.
“We stayed there a while longer. Then the man said, “It’s getting late. Shall we head back? Will you come with me?” I gave him a hug, and we walked back to the car together. The police were there to support him, but he said to me, “thanks for stopping and for caring.”
"For me, I just felt that I needed to help this man in what was likely the worst moment of his life. And I hope if I was ever in a situation like that, then someone would stop and check on me.
"Five weeks later, the man found me on Twitter and thanked me for saving his life. He said he was really happy that our paths had crossed, and that he had reached out for support. He was definitely in a better place.
"I’ll never forget when he told me that if I hadn’t stopped, things would’ve been very different. If I can do this, anyone can."
