A call to Samaritans helped save Rebekah’s life. She’s sharing her story and message of hope to let people who are struggling know that support is only a message or phone call away.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and perfectionism throughout my school, university and work life. My mental obsession with control started with bulimia and periods of self-harm when I was younger but as I got older, I started to control other things.
I’d go through periods of using alcohol and drugs as a way of fitting in or to escape. But after getting some support through work, I talked about my experience of perfectionism and anxiety and started advocating for mental health, I took another break from drinking. I wanted to try and take my life back.
For a while everything was bliss. I was in a relationship, we travelled around Australia, and I changed career to something more relaxed. Unfortunately, my relationship became abusive. My personal life became very difficult, and I returned to drinking and drugs, but this time it wasn't fun.
One night, I realised my relationship was finally over. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I made an attempt on my life. I thought, ‘I'm done. This is the end.’ Luckily, he intervened. But the thoughts remained.
I called Samaritans that evening. I spoke with a volunteer who listened with compassion and kindness. At the start of the call, I was determined my only way out was suicide. By the end of the call, I had a plan for my day.
The support I had from Samaritans encouraged me to get out of my mind, my illness. If I hadn't called Samaritans, I know I would've tried again. Samaritans gave me someone to listen to my pain, to talk to and help me come up with a plan in a moment when my only solution was death.
It’s been a bumpy road, because although I could stop drinking, I couldn't stay stopped. But then I left London and reconnected with my family.
I had my last drink on 16 September 2023 and am in recovery. I have a therapist who is helping me on this journey. I'm running again and while I’ve lost friends, I’ve gained new ones. Work is going well and the support of my manager and colleagues has been amazing.
Today I have a beautiful life. A life I wake up every day wanting to live. But, I know, if there is ever a day I struggle, Samaritans is one phone call away.
