Lockdown hit Kelly hard, but after a call to Samaritans, she reached out to family and friends. They encouraged her to keep going and helped her find herself again.
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age, but it is something I have coping mechanisms for. But coronavirus put a stop to that – the third lockdown hit me hard. I just felt numb.
I was living by myself and working night shifts, getting home trying to sleep and just repeating – I was drinking to knock myself out and binge eating to wake myself up. It was a never-ending cycle and I saw no way out. I’d stopped talking to my friends and didn’t want to face my family. I decided what is the point anymore.
I took actions into my own hands and just planned to take my own life. That whole period is dark, but I remember this part so vividly – my body kicked into fight or flight and I started panicking, I felt something again. I finally reached out to Samaritans and then my parents.
Reaching out to a few close friends – those I knew wouldn’t judge me – was the best move I could’ve made. They helped me find ‘Kelly’ again.
As a dancer, I was used to being active and they encouraged me to start a fitness regime. It gave me that purpose to wake up and do something, I had to send my friend a picture of my face before and after the workout to prove I’d done it – I finally had wheels turning again.
Every week Mum and I would do a food shop together and get dinner as a girly escape; Dad would come over and I started talking to my little brother who has always been my best friend through life. Things didn’t feel as scary anymore – I felt like there was an army of people around me willing me on to keep going.
In the year since, I’ve received my BA (Hons) Degree in Theatre, became a qualified dance teacher, ran the Brighton Marathon and created some of my favourite memories with my best friends. It wasn’t smooth sailing, but we did it, I did it.
