This is Steven's story

There wasn’t one single thing that led me to start self-harming; it was the culmination of lots of things, big and small over a number of years. The breakdown of family relationships, poor physical health, my world being thrown on its end by losing my mobility, my best friend taking his own life, work stress and home stress, all built up over time and led me to a point where I didn’t know how to cope with what I was feeling.

For me, self-harm was a way of trying to cope with overwhelming feelings but as the emotional pain got worse so did the self-harm. There’s a lot of misunderstanding and stigma around self-harm and for me it was two-fold. The judgement and reaction from others was difficult to deal with, but I was also judging myself. You hear things like “it’s attention-seeking” or “it’s just something teenagers do” and it becomes even harder to be open about what you’re really going through.

Not all healthcare professionals understand or know how to respond to self-harm and I’ve had previous experiences where some couldn’t even look me in the eye or have a real conversation about it. But my Community Psychiatric Nurse never flinched, she never judged, she listened and supported me to find alternative ways of coping. And slowly things got better.

My toolbox is full now. I know the ways of coping that work for me and help me look after my mental health and I’m happy in a way that would have seemed impossible to me at my lowest point.

I know from my own experience the pressure to hide self-harm can make it so much harder to seek help. But when you do take that step and find that there are people there who are willing to listen and support you, without judgement – that can be life-changing, even life-saving.

That’s why we need to start a dialogue about self-harm that is based on evidence, real experience and compassion – not stereotypes and stigma – so that everyone can get the support they deserve.