Emma's story

I started self-harming when I was 15. I was bullied really badly, and I was so lonely.

I didn’t understand why I was getting picked on. I thought it had to be me that’s the problem, and that’s when I started to self-harm and think about suicide.

I carried so much anger with me all of the time. When I lost all my friends, that anger had to go somewhere. It seemed like the easiest thing was to inflict pain on myself. I saw it as a punishment. I thought I was such a bad person.

I’ve had talking therapy and thought a lot about why I self-harmed. It was so helpful for my recovery. Now I can recognise what I’m triggered by. When it first started, it was the pain of being so on my own and so angry. As I got older, it all revolved around relationships: when my ex-boyfriend finished with me, or when I fell out with my mum.

My mum spoke for me because I was too fragile. Everyone else kept trying to brush it off and telling me to cheer up. I was lucky to have someone to say you are really, really struggling and I want to help you.

As I was going to seek help and gradually getting better, I made a social media account and started making friends. We were all in very similar positions, which is how we came together in our little community and helped each other.

Nowadays, to manage my emotions, I read a lot: I always have self-care books on my phone. If I feel anxious, it’s about physically bringing myself back into the room. I smell something, taste something and touch something. I do breathing exercises, and once I feel like I’m ok I put on something to do with self-progress, on iTunes, Amazon or YouTube: something that is gentle but is inspiring.

I read a lot about mindfulness, accepting where you are in life. I’ve found that when you accept the here and now, life will become a lot easier. That’s incredibly powerful for me.

When I was self-harming, if someone had said to me when you are 21, you are going to be happy and healthy, I wouldn’t have believed them.

But here I am.