For all of us everything seems worse in the middle of night. Beset by silence and in the absence of any distraction, people find their fears are magnified and cannot be shared, as few would feel comfortable calling friends or family in the small hours. It is then that the need for the Samaritans is greatest and why, even though I am a lark rather than an owl, I choose to undertake those night duties.
Arriving at the branch, I or my fellow volunteer will make hot drinks – important for me as I need the caffeine in strong coffee to stay awake! We call in to the Shift Leader, who will be there for us if needed, to let them know that we have both arrived. Thus, the shift begins.
Having logged on and made ourselves available for telephone calls, the screen lights up as there are always calls waiting; call levels are high at night and, despite our efforts, callers may sometimes wait for some time for us to answer.
Every call is different but all seek the same; to be heard, to be accepted, to be given time and validation. There are things we do not do – we do not offer advice or easy reassurance, nor practical support or facile answers. We do however give our callers time and space in which they can be totally honest about what is going on in their lives and how they are feeling.
Fears and problems are diverse, ranging from problems with mental or physical health, isolation and loneliness, bereavement, problems with family, friends or neighbours, work or financial pressures, self-doubt and utter despair.
Contrary to popular belief you do not have to be suicidal to ring the Samaritans. We hope that people reach out to us before they feel that desperate - but we are not afraid to broach the subject. For many it is a relief to be able to share the feeling that suicide is, for them, the only way out and to be listened to with respect and compassion. We hope that by discussing options a caller will not choose to end their life, but we also hold fast to the principal of self-determination. We will never know what happens when the call ends but we hope that the caller will have found within themselves a glimmer of hope. We also have a share of nuisance calls but have the experience to bring them to a speedy close!
Calls vary in length from a few minutes to over an hour and the longer ones can be very emotionally draining. Time for a wind down with your fellow volunteer and a sustaining chocolate biscuit. Before you know it, the shift comes to an end and it is time to close up and go home.
We always leave the branch together to protect our safety, but cycling home, in the early hours, through the almost deserted streets gives me the chance to reflect on the calls and the callers and to hope that they will have found the strength to face another day. To be a Samaritan is an enormous privilege but the anonymity and confidentiality of our service means that we will never know with certainty the results of our efforts. Nevertheless, for me, it really is worth losing sleep over.