Mat's story

Mat, 44, from Southampton, sought support through Samaritans’ Facing The Future peer-support programme for people sadly bereaved by suicide, after a close friend died.

"In 2022, I left work and drove past an incident where someone had sadly taken their life. I thought I’d dealt with what I’d seen that day, but six or seven weeks later I wasn’t coping. I tried to get help, but because it took so long to get anywhere I kind of put my experiences in a box, did the normal blokey thing and buried it.

A year on, about a week before Christmas, I went to a men’s mental health night with a couple of friends. We were chatting about a lot of things, a couple of us were going through a tough time. I found out the next day that one of those friends had gone home and taken his life.

I reached a point where I felt like everything was slipping through my fingers. I was experiencing suicidal thoughts which ended up with me being referred to my GP. When I had my mental health assessment, the nurse there suggested I contact Facing The Future.

I’d been to Andy’s Man Club before, which was really helpful – but I was still nervous about the first session. I was maybe in a unique position in my group in having had suicidal thoughts, other participants who had lost a loved one wanted to ask how could anyone do that? What got them to that point?

It was useful for them to be able to answer those questions, and useful for me to realise I wasn’t alone having those thoughts. It also helped me understand why I wasn’t being asked those questions while I was really struggling.

Every time I started talking about my friend brought the emotions back up, but by the end of it I felt a massive sense of relief, you’re unburdening yourself of it. I’m not scared to talk about stuff anymore.

For me, it was always tough to open up to anyone. It’s definitely helped me to talk about it and to be around people who are going through the same feelings and emotions, you can compare and contrast, rather than focus on why is this happening to me?

I was the only guy in my group, all the women in the group had lost their partner, so it’s a massive thing for me, men need to talk.

I’ve almost made it my mission to make sure I don’t lose anyone else. One of the people who started Andy Man’s Club with me messaged me saying he couldn’t carry on, so I jumped in the car to see him, now I’m constantly checking in with him.

I’m in a WhatsApp group with my Facing The Future group and we’re constantly checking in with each other, we’ve got that connection and nice to know everyone is doing OK.

I’ve haven’t had the opportunity to recommend Facing The Future to others but it’s always in the back of my mind, and I will with the right opportunity.

There are a lot of people struggling, which is why support like Facing The Future is so needed."

Mat's story

Support groups for people bereaved by suicide