Dave (he/him) lives in Northern Ireland and is a full-time homemaker in his 40s. Dave found himself in a very dark place after significant changes throughout the pandemic, including separating from his wife, moving house and being diagnosed with autism, ADHD and a mental health condition. However, these changes also brought about some positive opportunities.
Dave has had mental health problems his entire adult life but during the pandemic, the impact of this on his marriage became too much. Dave's mental health has “taken up pretty much the whole of the last year” and been very “emotionally draining” for him and his wife, and they separated.
You know, everyone has a limit, everyone needs that boundaries and she just can't do it any more. It has come on in the last year and it was brought into sharp focus by Covid.
The separation was difficult for both Dave and his wife, “we're both absolutely heartbroken. I can't really convey to you how sad it is.” Dave struggled in the summer of 2020 as his mental health was severely impacted by the split.
It sent me into a terrible panic of anxiety and negative thoughts. Into a really, really, really dark place. A place which I don’t wish to visit again, ideally. That’s when I first started phoning the Samaritans. In the last year or so, it's just been one big low.
Dave believes the separation was caused by a combination of “Covid stress” and his mental health struggles. He had recently discovered that he’d been living with undiagnosed autism, bio-polar disorder and ADHD for most of his life, alongside depression and anxiety. However, this has been a positive realisation, as now Dave can “can put procedures in place and maybe get the appropriate medication”.
I'm hopeful going forward that I can learn how to cope better and be happier because it's been really hard. I've spent my whole life in such a mess most of the time and, you know, worrying about stuff most of the time. It's had such a negative affect on me, and I'm just hoping I can deal with it going forward.
Dave faced further changes and struggles as he had to leave their home and move out alone. He found the idea of living alone following his recent diagnosis of autism “terrifying”. Realising he would be classed as a “vulnerable adult”, he planned to seek guidance and help.
This is all going to be a steep learning curve in how to occupy my time and finding things to do, treatments, whatever it is I need to do. I'm thinking of volunteering and maybe enrolling in a college course, Open University. Trying to get involved locally, like I say, with volunteering, there's all sorts of nature reserves around here, there's food banks, there's charity shops, there's all sorts I can go and get involved in.
Despite all the change he was facing, Dave felt optimistic and hopeful that things would work out for him.
It's just keeping myself motivated and having faith in myself.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more about how relationships and mental health have been impacted by the coronavirus pandemic.