How to support someone you're worried about

Focus on the other person, make eye contact, and put away your phone.

To really listen to someone, you need to give them your full attention, maintain eye contact and focus on them. Getting into the habit of doing this takes practice, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep trying, you’ll get there.

Try and keep a 'listening diary' for a week. Record when you've listened well by noting down one thing you've learned about the other person. Make a note of anything you found challenging or distracting.

It may take time and a few attempts before a person is ready to open up.

Listening well is about creating trust with the other person. They shouldn’t feel rushed, or they won’t feel it’s a safe environment. If the other person has paused in their response, wait a moment. It's important to remember it might take them some time to get their words out or express what they're feeling.

Through non-judgemental listening and being patient, you’re allowing the person to relax into the conversation and to use it as a place to reflect or work through difficult emotions.

Use open questions that need more than a yes or no answer.

An open-ended question means not jumping in with your own ideas about how the other person may be feeling. Try not to ask questions that leads them to a particular answer, for example, instead of asking ‘have you had a bad week?’, try ‘what’s been going on for you this week?’. Being open-minded can encourage them to reflect, open up and talk. Remember, the conversation is a safe space you’re holding for them, and nothing they say is right or wrong.

Avoid questions that close down the conversation. For example, instead of ‘are you OK?’, try ‘how are you feeling today?’ and follow up with ‘tell me more…’.

Check you’ve understood, but don’t interrupt or offer a solution.

Repeating something back to someone is a really good way to let them know you’re listening. You can check to see that you’re hearing what they want you to hear, and not putting your own interpretation on the conversation.

Try not to be put off by a negative response and remember, you don’t have to fill every silence.

You might feel uncomfortable asking someone how they feel, but you’ll soon realise if someone feels uncomfortable and isn’t ready to talk about it. Just let them know you're there if they ever want to talk.

You’ll be surprised at how willing people are to listen and how, sometimes, it is exactly what somebody needs to be able to share what’s on their mind.